Being popular with men (and women) is not about being the skinniest and most conventionally beautiful person in the room. It is about positive energy and personal connection. Paedra Parks and Nene on the Real Housewives of Atlanta are not model thin, but they exude confidence and attract other people to them. So what if you are a bit heavier than you would like? Men love curves and donkey booties! Ignore the haters and toxic people who say negative things about you, mostly because they are unhappy with their own lives and they think if they lower your self esteem, you will need them more. You are beautiful. Just believe it. Of course, if being beautiful and confident requires you to dress up and do your hair and makeup, then by all means do it! You may also find that toning up your body by lifting weights, doing push-ups and squats, walking, etc. will make you feel better about your body.
Do all you can to feel confident about yourself. After that, every thing else will follow.
A good boyfriend or husband should know how to take a hint.
You: “I love lobster!”
Him: “Let me take you out to dinner tonight at our favorite seafood restaurant.”
You: “I hate the subway, and it’s so cold.”
Him: “Here’s some cab fare.” (And hopefully enough for a new lipstick or something, something.)
If he wants to please you, a subtle hint is enough. When he comes through with the cash or gift, make sure to acknowledge his kindness!
I read a really compelling piece yesterday in New York Magazine by the author of Prozac Nation, Elizabeth Wurtzel. She is a great writer and held my attention throughout the entire article. What really got to me was that she did not save any money from the sale of her books. I grew up poor with a mother who would nag whenever I did something wrong (even if I did something right she would say it wasn’t perfect). My worst nightmare would be to go back to the dingy one bedroom apartment I lived with my parents and two siblings. This is why I have saved at least 30% of my salary for as long as I have been working. If you are under 30 and reading this, lucky you! Time is on your side. But it’s never too late to automate your savings and save yourself.
Another thing: Suzie Orman says you need an eight month emergency fund. I say you need a catastrophe fund also. Look at all the disasters that have been occurring around us these days. If an emergency fund helps pay your monthly expenses if you lose a job, then a catastrophe fund helps you get a new home in case disaster strikes. How much in a disaster fund? Enough to rent and furnish a new apartment, at least. Take it from someone who has been there: relying on others is not fun.
In addition to getting as much money out of a man as possible, your goal should be to save yourself. Who will save you when you can no longer work?
1. Learn how to support yourself
Learn a trade, get a degree, get a job and work your way up.
2. Automate your savings
3. Pay as little as possible for rent
If you can, live with your parents while you are in school. Yes, I said I would never want to go back living with my parents but I am not in school anymore and have not seen my twenties in two decades. You can suffer a little while you are young.
Some of my favorite blogs on saving money:
This is assuming you are still married and have a good relationship (contact a good divorce attorney to get money from your ex-husband).
Well, when you are married, you must get control of the bank accounts. When you control the bank accounts, you control the money. Don’t be clueless about finances. Know all you can about his — actually your– income and bank accounts. Then, train him well. If he criticizes what you buy, let him know that is not acceptable. You, as the woman of the household, need money to run everything smoothly. To reward him for such control, keep a nice house. Your goal is to make your home as much like a hotel as possible:
1. Get high thread count sheets
2. Keep the clutter away. Organize everything. Get a great vacuum cleaner and vacuum everywhere, even under the bed and fixtures and ceiling fans.
3. Clean with organic, nice smelling sprays and wipes. I sometimes use baby wipes to wipe the counters. Easier on my hands.
4. Learn to cook a few nice meals
5. Keep the house full of snacks, mostly healthy, to keep him happy.
6. Make good coffee in the morning
The more he sees how well you run the household, the more he will trust you with everything. Tell him you need more money for the family.
Keep yourself in the best shape you can be. Dress nicely.
When birthdays and holidays come, hint that you want certain gifts as appreciation for your hard work.
I didn’t think I would love my David Yurman Spiritual Beads bracelet when I received it, but it is really shiny and goes great with my new obsession: Lululemon workout clothes. The bracelet is not too dressy and adds just the right amount of bling to casual workout wear. Pictured here with my Lululemon Devotion T.
Some strategies on how to get a man to give you jewelry:
1. Hint that you love jewelry.
2. Text him photos of jewelry (ok, this one is from Cici. I had never been as brazen, but this could work for you.)
3. Wear other jewelry and hint that your ex bought it for you. Men are competitive and want to outdo other men.
4. Wear the jewelry that he does give you and say how much you love it. This will give him positive feedback.
One of the questions a few people have asked is:
“How can I get him to buy a house with me?”
I am a huge fan of HGTV’s shows, especially House Hunters, and it seems the number one reason men buy houses is kids. If you give him a good reason to buy a house, like a kid or hopes of kids and his own family, there is a higher probability he will buy a house with (or for) you.
Another reason he will buy a house or apartment is a love nest situation, ie he wants to keep a mistress in an apartment, but that is probably a lot more rare.
Surprisingly, most of the commenters here have been men so far. If you are a man and would like to add your two cents about how to make a man spend money on a woman, please post here.
One gentleman stated:
I would agree with your this reader (who wrote that a woman should not be solely interested in a man for his money). If you are looking for true love you have to have balance in your relationship. If you are just in for having fun and getting gifts/money, then play the game… but be subtle because most guys will catch on quickly.
Please comment here. I will be posting a poll soon.
One of the most popular topics on this blog is “What Can He Buy You?”
Of course, a girl can dream!
Something very interesting someone posted on What Can He Buy You:
I highly recommend Bouley in Tribeca in New York for a romantic meal. But you can’t really fully enjoy the food when you are on a date trying to impress him. Go with a girlfriend first!
Here is my review of Bouley restaurant:
163 Duane Street New York, NY 10013
Cici and I love a great deal, so we decided to go for the $55 prix-fixe 5 course lunch at Bouley today. The restaurant was beautiful, with fresh flowers everywhere. Cici commented that the waiters were serving like a well-rehearsed symphony. Once in awhile, you would get a whiff of truffles.
The lunch started with an amuse bouche: pumpkin soup with candied pine nuts. It reminded me of the soup I used to buy at the now closed Bouley Market. The soup was so creamy and pumpkin-y that I wished Bouley Market is still open.
For our first course, we both chose the Carpaccio Of Kampachi, Young Blue Fin Tuna And Striped Amber Jack prepared in a mediterranean manne. The plate was so pretty, it looked like fish swimming in a pool of pretty green flowers. The carpaccio was melt in your mouth fresh with the most wonderful sauces.
We were fascinated by the guy wheeling around the bread in a cart like one of those dim sum ladies. He was so into methodically cutting the bread that he belonged in a movie about Bouley, or bread, or just any movie. He suggested the Saffron walnut bread with the porcini flan. I also tried the apricot walnut bread (sweet, chewy and fresh) and olive bread. I still think Del Posto has the best bread in the city though.
The second course was the famous Porcini Flan with Alaska Live Dungeness Crab black truffle dashi in its own little pot. The presentation was so cute. I can see why so many people recommend the flan. The crab meat was outrageously crabby and fresh. I believe this dish is what makes the air smell like truffles every once in awhile, when someone is served the porcini flan and they open the little pot and let the aroma envelop them (an apparently everyone else) in a cloud of truffle bliss.
For the third course, Cici picked the All-Natural Pennsylvania Chicken with carrot ravioli, chanterelles, pain d’empics dressing and I picked the Slow Braised Kobe Style Beef Cheeks with blue kale gnocchi. Cici gave me a bite of her chicken and carrot ravioli. This was not the usual frozen chicken you get at other restaurants. I want, no NEED, the secret of how they make the chicken so tender. Is it because it’s all natural or from Pennsylvania? We need to know. This chicken was so tender, it makes other so called “chicken tenders” taste like leather (Cici said “old shoe” but I’m not as gross as her). “They are like chicken meltaways!” Cici later texted me as she finished her chicken that she took home in a doggie bag (more on that later). Also, the carrot raviloli was so sweet and the pasta delectible, it tasted like pumpkin. (Before this, my only other taste of a sweet vegetable ravioli are the butternut squash raviolis at Costco. This aint no Costco ravioli, people! I am not a snob, I just like good food.) The beef was delicious as well, with gnocchi on the bottom, but by then I was too full to fully appreciate the beef, however yummy it was.
Next, came a palate cleanser of Honey Tangerine Soup with sancho pepper, lychee sorbet, crystallized honey. Very refreshing and perfect after all the courses.
We both picked the Hot Caramilized Anjou Pear,valrhona chocolate, biscuit breton, hot toffee sauce, lemon verbena and tahitian vanilla ice creams for dessert. I did not like the lemon verbena ice cream too much, reminded me of Lemon Pledge. Sorry.
The chef provided us an extra dessert: bulgur wheat ice cream. It was a unique taste, creamy and kind of salty.
Cici tasted the bulgur wheat ice cream and said that I would like it because it was salty.
I said, “I was raised on salty plums.”
Cici said, “What do salty plums taste like?”
“Olives,” I replied.
“Why would you do that to a plum? It’s so sweet,” wondered Cici.
The chef also presented some complimentary, gorgeous little macarons, wafer thin cookies, chocolates and nut crunch. By then, we were so stuffed that Cici took one of the wafer thin cookies and said, “Have you seen that guy in Monty Python who was at a restaurant and ate a lot, and then he said, ‘I’ll just have one more bite, it’s wafer thin,’ and he exploded?” I thought that was hilarious.
Not wanting to explode, we did not finish our desserts so we asked for doggie bags. The server who cleared the table acted like this was an unusual request. Yes, we are Hoi polloi. We take doggie bags. We are not on a date and we don’t care. Plus, it’s a Michelin Star doggie bag.
If you think we are declasse for asking for doggie bags, witness what happened at the next table: The two guys next to us (not in jackets, as required by the restaurant rules) obviously tourists due to the hotel room key card on the table (see, no little detail escapes me, a skill I honed after watching almost all the Monk reruns), sat down later than us, so by the time their table was cleared for dessert, we were done with our meal. One of the guys (with an accent) asked for *gasp* more bread. The server said incredulously, “More bread, with DESSERT?” Amateurs. Tourists. Didn’t they know that we New Yawkers don’t eat bread with dessert? Suddenly, it was as if the perfect symphony came to a screeching halt for a second. The bread guy was notified of the request, and he went over and asked which bread they would like to enjoy some more. They chose the apricot walnut (good choice). Bread Guy said, “Let me get you a plate, would you like butter with that?” Then all was well again as the two bread-loving gentlemen were served their desserts.
Note: The doggie bags were given to us by the receptionist/coat check girl. Very discreet. I like it.
Pardon the low lighting of the photos. I took them with my iphone with no flash (BTW, does anyone’s iphone flash actually take good photos? Mine does not) and the restaurant was kind of romantically dimmed.
Read about a girl who gets taken out to dinner a lot:
Here are the things I’m obsessed with (gift ideas for you?):
Tiffany rings– check out this beautiful Tiffany diamond ring display at the Short Hills Mall:
Hermes Birkins (I’m watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills right now and people suing Taylor are willing to settle for her wedding ring and two of her Hermes handbags!!!). Take a look at Eden’s Birkin, size 35 Rouge H Chevre, Palladium Hardware: